Crystal Hefner Admits She Was Never 'in Love' With Late Husband Hugh: 'I Lost Myself in the Process'

Crystal Hefner got candid about life in the Playboy Mansion and her tumultuous relationship with late husband Hugh Hefner.

In a recent interview — just days before the January 23 release of her new tell-all memoir, Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself — Crystal revealed she never had real feelings for the Playboy figurehead.

“At the time I thought I was on top,” she said of their engagement. “I thought, ‘Wow, if I just like everything that he likes and do all the things that he wants me to do, then I’m the favorite.’ And I was, but I just lost myself in the process.”

She noted that although she loved Hugh, she was never “in love” with the 91-year-old, who she took care of in his final days.

Hefner popped the question to her on Christmas Eve 2010, however, she was initially hesitant about the union. In fact, Crystal explained that she accepted the proposal but called off the wedding just five days before.

She then went back to her relationship with Dr. Phil’s son Jordan McGraw before reconciling with Hugh and tying the knot on December 31, 2012.

“I realized I was dealing with a really big power imbalance,” Crystal shared. “It seemed like a world of success and fantasy, but everyone’s having to sleep with an 80-year-old. There’s a price. Everything has a price.”

In addition to spilling the details about her romance with Hugh, she revealed the strict rules he had for her and the other bunnies at the mansion.

She noted he made his girlfriends come to him each week to collect their “allowance” that he doled out in cash. Crystal explained that the money was to be used on their appearances and Hugh had very specific opinions on "weird, silly, stupid things."

“Our nail polish couldn’t be anything but some neutral color, no French manicure,” the 37-year-old shared.

To this day, she admitted Hugh’s preferences got to her, including not “having a belly button ring because that’s trashy."

"He would tell me ‘Wear the flag,'" she added. "That’s the Playboy logo and those shirts were uncomfortable and cheap.”

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She also recalled Hugh pointing out her brown roots as they grew in.

“So I’d have to go bleach it and it would burn my scalp and I’d have blisters,” she explained. “But for some reason I thought this was all normal and that’s what it meant to be seen as beautiful in Hef’s eyes."

People interviewed Crystal.